I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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