My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
