her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
