Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
