Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
