Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
