he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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