i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize