OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize