I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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