So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Randomize
