What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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