Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it glows. i had to have it.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
