dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize
