u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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