Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
