I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
