well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
