my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Randomize
