Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
