When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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