Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
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