she woke up with a sticky ear
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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