Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
