Well apparently he's into motor boating.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
