i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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