dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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