I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Your cock deserves a montage
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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