Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
