Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
