you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
