Kiss
Puke
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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