life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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