Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
