i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
