Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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