I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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