my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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