YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
