My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
