Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
