just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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