I want to stick my p in your. b.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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