Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize