SEEEEXXX PLEASE
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
