she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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