I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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