fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
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