My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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