how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
