Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
