Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
