Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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