Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
