just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
