i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
