my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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