im drinking this country out of the recession.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
