I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
