3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
