Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
