Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
