I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My ATM looks so different sober.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
