Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
